“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” – Luke 6:46
The above verse was recorded as the words of Jesus, spoken to his contemporary Judeans and Galileans. But it seems he also addressed every 21st century Christian claiming to be followers of this god and lord Jesus, but refuse to obey many of his instructions. Here are a few very simple rules Christians are supposed to follow but don’t.
Luke 9:59-60 “He said to another man, “Follow me.” But he replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.””
I have never seen any dead people actually bury another dead person, but maybe in first century Judea this was a very common phenomenon. In any case, most Christians who die have their living family members bury them. Most Christians and even non-Christians do not let their deceased loved one rot at home in wait for some zombies to come and haul them to the cemetery. At points, Jesus was nothing more than a raving lunatic, but that’s no reason for despair. If you want to be a Christian, at least some degree of lunacy is required. How else could you swallow much of the contradictory nonsense pointed at in the following chapters.
Luke 16:18 “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
This is important! As a Christian, you should be aware of what constitutes as adultery; for adultery is punishable by death. That’s what Jesus decreed to his chosen people before he became his own son in the flesh. Are there any numbers available on Christians who divorce and remarry? In any case, it is clear that a lot more people need to be stoned to death or quartered than is currently the case, especially Christians, for they should know better. You can divorce your wife but if you do, you can never remarry…at least according to Jesus.
But what does the Jesus in Luke’s gospel know? Because another Jesus in the story of a certain Mark plainly forbids divorce, right after allowing it (Mark 10: 5-12). The Catholic Church for one does not recognize divorce...although nowadays it really doesn't have much choice. If Jesus were still alive he would be excommunicated by the pope for his heretical views on this social issue.
Again, Christianity would not be Christianity if it did not have its god contradict himself once more in this regard. For in John 7, Jesus trumps a party of his devout followers who wanted to obey his rules and stone a woman who was caught “red handed” in adultery. Not only does Jesus prevent the posse from doing what he himself had ordered them to do centuries earlier, he does not want to condemn the woman he ordered to be killed and lets her go free. One possible explanation for this utter brain fart is that the Jesus in John’s fantasy novel is a different Jesus than the one in Luke. Jokes aside, the story of the adulterous woman was only added to John’s novel in the 300’s by an author who thought the Jesus story needed some spicing… a process that was already on-going since the second century. Knowing your bible tells you that there is no way of knowing if anything its protagonist said or did actually happened.
Luke 14:26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.”
It leaves little room for interpretation, which explains why there are as many interpretations as there are Christians. Why does god's word even need to be interpreted?
To be a disciple of Jesus, the god of love and peace, you have the moral duty of hating your parents and siblings. There probably are quite some people who do hate their parents, but I wonder whether this is out of obedience to Jesus. Another mystery is how this rhymes with Jesus’ own command to his fellow Israelites "to honor thy father and mother". God just seems unable to make up his mind…and therefore rules. And if Jesus is the son of god…should he himself not hate his “Father”, hence, hate himself?
Should you only marry a woman you hate and despise? Or can you love a woman up until the time you marry her? Consequently, as soon as you start loving her, should you not divorce her? Ah, that’s not allowed in the majority Christian denomination either. Christianity is a very confusing superstition, to say the least.
Luke 14: 12-13 “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.”
So much for those much appreciated family dinners…especially those around Christmas time and in the US, Thanksgiving. Funny how even in the most fundamentalist Christian country, many Christians give Jesus a big fat F.U when it comes to their turkey-craving bellies. Jesus really doesn't like family...let alone family gatherings.
Mark 6: 8-11: “These were his instructions: “Take nothing for the journey except a staff—no bread, no bag, no money in your belts. Wear sandals but not an extra shirt. Whenever you enter a house, stay there until you leave that town. And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, leave that place and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.”
Jesus’ orders apply to all Christians of course, but Christian missionaries in particular should pay close attention to their holy BS they so stubbornly contaminate other people with. You can wear a limited amount of clothing, sandals (no shoes, people!) and a staff. That’s it. No money, no credit cards, no cell phone with PayPal or similar apps. It’s easy enough to understand and obey this decree of your god.
So why don’t you?
Mark 12: 38-40 “Watch out for the teachers of the law. They like to walk around in flowing robes and be greeted with respect in the marketplaces, and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows’ houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. These men will be punished most severely.”
This instruction of Jesus contains a lot of elements. The present teachers of the law are of course all Christians who think they know the mind of god and tell others what god thinks, wants or has planned; in short: pretty much every Christian. But the ones you should mistrust the most are all Christians who climb a pulpit, let themselves be addressed as Monsignor, Father or Pastor and order others when, how and how long to pray; in short: pretty much every Christian preacher.
Matthew 6: 5-6 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.”
Pretty much all Christians trespass against this commandment of their god. In fact, all Christian denominations insist that Christians should disobey their god at least once a week. In most of them, committing this sin is a prerequisite to go to heaven.
Matthew 23: 9 “And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven.”
This one ties in closely with the previous two. It’s a very simple rule once again and therefore, the majority of Christians in the world (Catholics) now address their voodoo shamans as Father, Reverend Father, Monsignor (My Lord) and other niceties. At least some Christians do obey their god here and call their leaders Ministers (servants), although in general those servants mostly serve themselves to the fruits of their parishioners’ labor. Catholic priests defend their right to disobey god, by claiming that Jesus also instructed his people on Mount Sinai to “honor thy father and mother” [ - Christians always maintain they don’t have to follow Mosaic Law because of Jesus, but appeal to Mosaic Law when they disagree with Jesus. It is very convenient to have two versions of a god you can switch between whenever it serves your interests - ]. Those Catholic priests invoke that honoring one’s biological parents is in fact a prerequisite to go to heaven.
I counter that Jesus indeed ordered his people somewhere in the 14th century before himself to honor their father, but that doesn’t mean they have to call their fathers “father”. More importantly, if all of a sudden you appeal to the Old Testament to bypass a law given by the same god in your New Testament and point out the fact that one should honor their biological parents and address them properly, then how in the hell should that apply to you, dear catholic father, who should not be anyone’s biological father to begin with. There are a lot of stupid little rules to go to heaven, but luckily common sense, logic and reason are not needed at all. The referenced defense is a perfect example.
The whole mess could have been avoided if the Christian religions that emerged out of opposition against this god Jesus would only have allowed women to become temple priests. Jesus did not forbid calling anyone ‘Mother’. But admittedly, that would have clashed with a whole bunch of other rules and regulations, in particular with rules of the protestant "apostle" Paul.
Luke 12:33 “Sell your possessions and give to the poor.”
It is clear that the vast majority of Jesus followers do not follow Jesus. For the past 18 centuries, Christian organizations consistently translated this simple rule as: “Take from the poor and amass more possessions”.
Most religions have turned Jesus' charitable command on its head throughout the ages, but the wealth accumulated by the Roman Catholic Church is beyond any comparison in human history. As some out-of-this world Catholic Martians deny that the Catholic Church is wealthy, we’ll elaborate on this ancient crime syndicate in separate, future articles.
"These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: Go and subdue the people, tax them for all they have and build yourself extravagant palaces and churches; and let none enter, lest they pay their admission fee." - Pope 10: 5-6
Luke 6:30 “Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.”
This one is definitely my favorite Christian rule. Sadly, I have yet to encounter a single Christian who wants to follow Jesus on this one, even though I have spent my entire life in majority Christian countries. It also invalidates Jesus' promise in Matthew: "Ask and it will be given to you..." Jesus was just a big fat liar with his loin cloth on fire.
David, aPHD, 27 November 2021
Philip Gray, “Call No Man Father: Understanding Matthew 23:9”, Catholic Education Resource Center, reprinted from the June 2000, Lay Witness article with permission of Lay Witness magazine, Catholic United for the Faith, Incorporated. https://www.catholiceducation.org/en/religion-and-philosophy/apologetics/call-no-man-father-understanding-matthew-23-9.html
Regarding point 2, we elaborate on the wealth and crimes of the "Holy" Roman Catholic Church in our series "the Wholly Rotten Criminal Church".